“Welcome to the dusty subconscious of an actor
who murdered his childhood to stop the audience’s laughter
even shadows have shadows
I’m about to break free from my fears
when I don’t like what I see
and I can’t feel what I hear
even shadows have shadows.”
“Even Shadows Have Shadows”-Eyedea
Ever since I moved back to the west, I’ve been plagued with visits from spiders.
I thought at first that maybe it was because, hey, you know, I do live out in the woods and spiders like it here. But it’s more than just the occasional sighting.
They are following me. There is a spider mafia and they want to make me an offer I can’t refuse.
In the summer I was out in the garage, winding bobbins, and there was one that lived in the window sill. She stayed there the entire summer. Nobody else saw her but me. Another one was in the bathroom. I left her alone and she later traveled into the sewing room, which is next door to the bathroom. I didn’t know this at the time. Out of all of the things to hide in the sewing room, this spider chose my Party Girl Remix pattern cover quilt top. I also didn’t know this at the time. I loaded the entire quilt and was halfway thru it when I saw a shadow moving near my left arm. She darted suddenly and ran over my hand. I didn’t scream like a little girl at Christmas though. How did I know it was the same spider, you may ask? Because its markings were so distinctive that it couldn’t have had an identical twin spider sister. So I’m telling you in words that I pressed an entire quilt top and back AND pinned it onto the machine AND quilted half of it until I noticed that there was a 1.5″ spider chillin on it. It takes a special skill to be that willfully unaware.
One time, in the kitchen, I saw a long piece of embroidery floss in the corner of the ceiling near the pantry. I thought this was really odd, because all my embroidery floss is still packed in storage, and QuiltMama hasn’t embroidered anything in probably 30 years. Then the floss started moving. It wasn’t a craft supply at all, in fact. It was the longest, strangest, spaghetti-legged mother*shutyourmouth that I had ever seen. Ok, that one I screamed a little bit. I made QuiltMama kill her. I had to stand up for myself, after all. I couldn’t let them bully me like this.
Since I dropped out of college and I grew up in the millennial time, I get most of my education these days from wikipedia and 48 Hours: Mystery. I googled “spider spirit animal” out of desperation. Were they trying to tell me something? Did Timmy fall down the well again? *WHY ARE YOU HARASSING ME SPIDER MAFIA JUST LET ME LIVE MY LIFE*
Google, that wise old sage.
When the spider shows up in your life, the spirit animal could guide you to integrate some piece of your personal “puzzle” and gain a more coherent perspective on your life.
If the spider shows up in your life, it may remind you of negative aspects of your personality or your life that need to come to light more fully. For many, spiders invoke fear or some sort of aversion. As such, they tend to be associated with what psychologist call “the shadow self”. Your “shadow self” are aspects of your personality or your life that you or other people deem unworthy or not likable and are therefore rejected or repressed.
What kind of connection did you or did you want to establish with this animal? Was the spider threatening or harmful? Did you kill or harm it? The answer will indicate the kind of dynamic that is shaping up between you and what the spider represents.
Spider’s message to you is that you are an infinite being who will continue to weave patterns of life and living throughout time. Do not fail to see the eternal plan of creation. Those who weave magic with the written word usually have this totem.
Pay attention when a spider bites! Being aware of this state will give you the chance to analyze why you keep attracting detrimental people, events and situations to yourself. All of these will have the effect of delaying or derailing your own self development efforts.
Spiders gifts include- creativity and weavers of fate, balance between past and future, physical and spirit, male and female. Spider is strength and gentleness combined, they awaken creative sensibilities, they are the keepers of the primordial alphabet and can teach you how to write creatively. Their bodies are shaped like the number 8 and they have 8 legs, symbolizing infinite possibilities of creation. The 8 legs represent the 4 winds of change that the 4 directions of the medicine wheel.
Spider weaves her web, we weave our realities.
Google is my new therapist, spiders are my new mother figure, and I promise you that I am not completely insane and that at this point I reached a true moment of clarity that will stay with me for the rest of my life. I’ve never killed a spider since then and they’re still coming around to check on me.
Next: The final installment. Part Four: Company Calls.